Thursday, July 24, 2008

I'm better than you are...neener neener!!

I am a perfect mother. No really, I am.

Doesn't every mother, every parent wish they could say that and actually have it be true? I certainly wish I could, but the most I can say right now is that I do my best, and sometimes that just isn't good enough. And I always find myself comparing my parenting skills to that of the hippy chick in the park or the hoity toity mom in the supermarket or the stressed looking mama trying to wrangle the kids into the car just so that they can get home for some quiet time.

Why do we do this as parents? I think us mothers are more guilty of it than anyone, but it seems to be a universal trait attributed to anyone who has the misfortune pleasure of have at least one spawnlet cruising around the house. I have been in groups where all the women do is talk about other moms and how awful their parenting is.

"Oh did you see her yesterday, she was letting little Timmy drink pop. MY kids won't be getting any pop til he's 30, and that's only if he can keep his basement room clean"

"I heard she let's the kids watch more than an hour of tv a day. Those are the kids that will getting remedial classes come high school"

You know the drill. We've all heard it, and I'm sure if most of us were honest we'd admit to actually doing it on occasion. I was especially guilty of it when Ash was a baby. I thought it was something I had to do as a right of passage into parenthood or something. If I didn't do it, I would be shunned by all the other mamas at the overcrowded disorganized playgroup. Truth is, the minute I got up and walked away from the group doing the gossiping...they'd be talking about me. So, as I have progressed down the road in the last 6 years, I have tried to be better about not doing those things anymore. Well, not often.

One thing I can tell you though, is that I am a much better parent than my husband. Well duh!

It's not a case of my form of discipline being better (it is), or me being more fun (I am) or even the fact that they love me more than him (they do). I know I am a better parent purely because my children get injured faaaar more often when in his care than in mine.

When Ash was about 18 months old, I decided to take advantage of the fact that Hotty Hubby was home on a weekend and go get my hair done while he took her to the park. 2 hours later, I had the most fantastic hair ever with awesome highlights & lowlights, all straightened and framing my face beautifully. I could never have predicted how awesome I'd look...ummm.....where was I? Oh, 2 hours later H.H showed up to retrieve me before I spent a couple hundred more dollars and before I could even utter a hello he was launching into a spiel about how sorry he was and it wasn't really his fault - all while shielding her behind his legs. When she was finally allowed to peek out from behind him, I understood. My poor baby girl had her face all scraped up with bits of gravel still embedded in it. Seems H.H had stood behind her on each trip up the ladder to the slide and she had no problem. So he went to sit down for the 9th try. It would be on this attempt that she fell. Backwards. Onto her face.

"But it's ok cos there was a nurse there who checked and her neck isn't broken"

Gee you think?

Or the time that I went out for a movie with friends and returned to see him standing in the hallway all twitchy, waiting for me to open the door. "I'm so sorry. It wasn't my fault. I told her to stop". She'd pulled a cupboard (that I'd asked him to secure to the wall a million zillion few times) and it had tipped, sending a very heavy candle holder down onto her head.

"But it's ok cos I put a bandaid on her and sent her to bed"

Um. Not so much honey. See that gash there? That requires stitches.

Or the time that we had friends over (about 20 of them) for a bbq party in our new house and I left to go pick up beer so that I didn't have to deal with all the kids anymore (priorities people!). 15 minutes later I returned to hear "HIDE THE BOY!! She's back!!"

Lots of scurrying, some whimpering from CJ, and "I'm so sorry! It wasn't my fault! He just FELL!" CJ fell of the kid's picnic table in the backyard and smacked his eye. Big, swollen, black & blue.

"But it's ok cos I put some ice on it and fed him some pop!"


See? I am the better parent. When they are in MY care they just fall backwards off bus stop benches and crack their skulls, walk along the backs of couches & fall off onto hardwood floors and fracture their arms, bounce on their beds and crack their jaws on the headboard when they fall, or run out in front of cars multiple times.

What kinds of interesting injuries have your children had? And who is the better parent?

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  1. Oh MY! I love the "It's not my fault" preface to all of HH's sentences.
    I am for sure the better parent between me and my ex, I am a parent, and don't act like a teenage sibling to our daughter, but I digress.
    The biggest injuries my daughter has had, spraining her ankle in the fall and then re-twisting same ankle in the spring have happened at school. So can't blame either of us, just the uneven ground at school.
    I am, though, calmer when child falls down and there is blood than anyone else and that I'd thought I'd be.

  2. Knock on woood, my kid has only had one serious injury and that was my fault. Well actually her grandmother's (dads side) but I blame myself. Her cat got in a fight with her dog and the cat attacked my daughter. Jumped right on her head. She had to get stitches. She still has the scars, 11 years later, on her cheek.

  3. This may sound weird but I pray that every single injury happens on my watch instead of my hubby's. Its bad enough that you are scared s*$tless that your kid is hurt -- but then you have to go through the whole blame game (sometimes in your head but mostly out loud). Thankfully, my prayers have been answered. All the injuries have happened on my watch -- and hubby totally knows better than to even try to play the blame game with Mommy.

    Great post -- glad I found you!

    -Emily (mothers of

  4. Nothing serious while on MY watch! He was bitten at the sitters once but I figured it was only fair... the year before he'd bit the same girl who bit him, so it was just payback (LOL). While with xh he's had a black eye, among other things... all 'not my fault' of course too... sigh... Fortunately nothing that required stitches or massive bandages... so far. I do have a hockey player though... I'm sure those injuries will come in time too... ;)

  5. So far, my oldest is the only child who has bore the brunt of the damage around here, and he pulled off the first need to go to the emergency room while my husband and I were both standing right next to him as he took a dive down the stairs and landed face first into the edge of a wall and split his head.

    Most of the "blame" for the rest of his injuries is the result of his grandparents, who have used the similar qualifier when we've come pulling up to find the boy bleeding or in need of stitches.

    That eye bump pictured here made me grab my head!

  6. Having had four children, I hate to think of all the injuries over the years!

    Thanks for visiting my site and for your review of my review.

  7. LOL..I got one too...MY dh gave my baby (ok maybe he was 2 at the time) MnM's and he nearly chocked on them..ugh...we give them life...they give them bruises...LOL.
    Thanks for stopping by my blog...kindred spirits we are...

  8. Holy. Shit. That's one hell of an egg on his head! My husband has been the cause of two accidents - Mommy - None. Crushed her little baby fingers in the high chair. And then wasn't watching her as she flew down a flight of stairs.

  9. I teach a parent/child movement class. All the moms in there encourage caution and being gentle. The *one* dad in there encourages his daughter to challenge herself and have FUN!

    Nothing he does is too risky, but it totally makes all the moms (including me) cringe. Men just think differently and I think it's good for kids.

    That said, I am TOTALLY the better parent in our home!

  10. Totally me...I am the better parent. Anytime my kids have been injured they have been with their Dad! But again, he plays with them more and I have other babysitters like xbox and the computer so hmmmm maybe it's a toss up!

  11. Now THAT's a bump! Let's see - Cheeks fell off her bed onto her trashcan in the middle of the night, resulting in a gash across the bridge of her nose, two black eyes and a trashcan that was split clear in half. We were both home for that one. He took her to the ER and I stayed home with a sleeping baby. Does that make him the better parent? If it does, don't tell him, or I'll never hear the end of it.


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