I first suspected I was pregnant with you for the normal reasons....which will be explained to you at a more understanding age. I wandered around the grocery store's pharmacy section for almost 30 minutes before I gathered the courage to actually touch the shelves holding the wide variety of pregnancy tests.
When you're older and get to see the movie Juno, you can picture your mother in that same role, just a few years older. I pissed away, quite literally, about $60 in preggo tests. That a big huge you're pregnant dumbass plus sign appeared on the first one was not evidence enough for your mommy. No sirree Bob. I needed to take at least 5 more to make sure some asshat in the next stall over wasn't putting some weird mojo over on me in some extraordinary attempt at a joke.
Having finally accepted the fact that there was indeed a bun in the proverbial oven, I then needed to find a way to tell your father. As proven with the multitude of pee sticks used, I can take awhile to get to the end result. Consequently, I have officially known you for 3 days longer than Daddy has. There are days when I wonder if this is a good thing or not, depending on your attitude to life in general.
You have made life incredibly interesting from the get go my dear. This last year has proved no different.
It was incredibly difficult for me to send you off to kindergarten in September. To hand you over to another person and trust that they would care for you, teach you and not kill you when you screamed at them for looking at you the wrong way for the umpteenth time in row, was one of the hardest things I have had to do since birthing you (which by the way hurt like a mofo). I consider myself incredibly lucky that you ended up with Mrs. Shortt for a teacher, the woman has the patience of a Saint.
You have grown from a Dora loving, Treehouse watching pre-schooler with a temper to rival that of Beelzebub himself into a girl who worships Hannah Montana and has a temper to rival...oh yeah...Beelzebub. Your relationships with everyone around you are deep and profound. You care for your friends with all your heart and go out of your way to see them happy. Even your relationship with your little brother seems to be blossoming in some ways. You have graduated from the pinching and scratching when he looks at you, to just hauling off and punching him directly in the head. His screams of protest seem to give you great delight and even a stern warning from me is just a drop in the pond of words to you. The boy follows you around, worships the very ground you deign to tread on with those big boat feet of yours, and on the odd occasion you acknowledge his presence while in public (because heaven forbid any stranger see you interact with him), that mere act sends him over the edge.
I sometimes worry that there is a teenager stuck in your small body. When you roll your eyes at me and sigh for the third time in as many minutes to really emphasize the fact that you do not in any way care for what I am telling you. When you stomp up the stairs and slam your door to the sounds of my "If you slam that door one more time I'm going to haul it off it's hinges". When you scream that you hate me.
Those worries are all overshadowed by the beautiful, smart, loving girl that you are growing to be. Yesterday when I heard you reading "Room on the broom" to your brother, I caught a look on his face that was just pure awe. His big sister was reading to him, spending time with him....slumming it for just a few minutes. You have caught the reading bug from me, and it makes me so happy to see you sitting with a book, soaking up the knowledge and using your imagination to fill in what the pictures don't show you. Somehow you inject princesses into almost any story, and it seems almost plausible that the witch on the broom might have come across a princess who can kill the dragon.
You recently had your very first sleepover which caused me to lose sleep for the days leading up to it. It just couldn't be possible that I had a child who was old enough to sleepover at anyone's house that wasn't direct family. There was nobody that old in MY house. I had babies for cripes sake! You and Hope were up very late that night, constantly coming down to both Auntie Tif & Uncle Dan. It made me smile to know that you were so very happy and having fun.
I'm still rather in denial about this day. 6 years ago today I was holding you in my arms and snuggling up to the most beautiful baby girl I had ever had the pleasure of seeing. Today, you are still that baby girl. You always will be.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays today. Daddy and I love you so very much. I wish I could bottle up the energy and joy that you carry with you every day, if only so that I could keep up with you.
You are an amazing little girl.
I love you
Saturday, July 12, 2008