Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'll have another one when you do. How's that work for ya?

Back at the beginning of July, I took part in a cyber-baby-shower for Lollie over at Lollies Follies. Well, madam has birthed the spawnlet and still looks as good as ever. And the baby is pretty cute too. You can check out Lollie and her follies over sure to leave a congratulations message for her!

On the subject of babies, I am constantly amazed at how often I am asked when I am planning on squeezing another melon out of my body. Like it's anybody's business but mine right? Lately I've begun to wonder if this question, invariably uttered by the well meaning yet nosy old folks around here, is perhaps as bad as asking an overweight woman when she's due. Either way, the question illicits the same reaction from me now. Let's just say, if you ask me when I'm due or when I'm going to have another one, I might just have to pinch your nipples in a vice grip while muttering "I'll have another one when that starts feeling good".

There was a time when just holding a baby would make me well up with tears and get all broody. This started when I was about 15, much to the dismay of my mother. Consequently I babysat mostly annoying toddlers that would do away with any desire to have children so early. This mysterious affliction of mine stayed with me, apparently incurable, until just a year ago. CJ was 3 years old, finally potty trained and sleeping and it hit me smack in the middle of the forehead that I did NOT want another one. I'll get my baby fix from all the friends who are pushing them out.

This doesn't seem to stop the busybodies. I can tell them til I'm blue in the face that we're done, that two is just fine for us, that I might have to ship the extras to their house if we do in fact (by some miraculous conception - Hotty Hubby had the snip) get preggo again and they give me that lopside grin and the condescending tone while saying "Oooh sweetie, you don't know what you're missing!"

I don't? Is there some other string of events that everyone else got when they had children that completely bypassed me? Am I missing sleep filled nights, children who use the potty from birth and no projectile vomiting? If so...sign me up. But as far as I can tell, the explosive diapers that compounded the grand total of 2 hours sleep a night, to be followed by a teething baby chaser were what most people got....and I'm done thanks very much. However (!!) if you ever find a way for Hotty Hubby to give birth, I'm game for letting him do it all.

And as for asking me when I'm due?? Yes, we get it, I'm overweight. Nay...I'm fat. There I said it. But unless you see me having contractions 2 minutes apart and that baby's head sticking out from between my legs, you might want to think twice about asking me when I'm due.

I'm just sayin'.

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  1. I get that a lot less since I have been babysitting my nieces. People assume they are mine and I let them, and when I have them both along with my daughter, that seems to be enough chillins to satisfy most people. However, previous to that, I used to get the same question. You can respond by saying off the wall shit, like how it's tragic really, you wanted more, but your husband has testicular cancer and alas, can no longer produce sperm. Or he lost them both in a tragic moose hunting accident, or was gored during the running of the bulls. It pisses me off when people ask rude questions that are none of their business, so they shouldn't be surprised or offended when they get some crazy obviously mad up answer for their trouble. And they don't know what to say when you tell them you are recently widowed.

  2. I agree with Heather. Next time they ask tell them that your husband made you so mad one day you cut his balls off with a tree trimmer. I get the same thing on my side - but we only have ONE...You can imagine the shit we take on that.

  3. There's got to be a few great wise cracks you can use in response. But it's rude to ask...even though people are inevitably curious.
    My new hubby and I, who have 3 girls between us from our previous partnerships are started to get asked "Are you two having one?" I've got to come up with a wisecrack for that one. "I'm too old and he doesn't want one" seems too blunt.

  4. My kids are nearly 11 and 6, and when I mention my baby lust randomly, they insist it would be 'gross' to have a baby around the house, but even with that vote disdain, I still haven't gotten past my baby lust. I'd have them FOR people, I love the process so much. Now, my husband is an entirely different story...

  5. I love this post. I am right there with ya.

  6. Your post was hilarious. You forgot the joys of having all 3 children vomit all over you simultaneously when they've all got the stomach flu.

    I'll be back soon to read more of your hilarious rants. I'm glad you commented on my blog!

  7. I feel the exact same way and people keep asking when I'm going to try for a girl. It's not going to happen.
    However, ask anyone with three and they'll tell you how people ask them if they're planning to stop any time soon.
    Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

  8. You can't use my excuse, but it sure shuts people up when they ask me those questions "when/are you going to have another?", "you aren't done having kids yet, are you?" or "so are you going to try for a girl next time?"....

    I just tell them, with a smile on my face, of course, "well, I'm afraid my xh's new wife wouldn't like it if I had more children with him!"

    But seriously, I do like the response that you'll have another when they do! Too funny!

  9. We have two kids (one of each), and I think it's a great number.

    We get to cuddle one each, and when one stays at Grandma's one stays home and we can focus on the one who stays home.

    And we didn't have to trade up to a bigger dining table or car. :P

  10. Someone once asked me when I was due but it was before I had even had children. I was so horrified!

    Thanks for commenting on my blog. It was me who swung by via Blogher Ads. :) I tend to lurker and not comment. Hope that's ok!

  11. "I might just have to pinch your nipples in a vice grip while muttering "I'll have another one when that starts feeling good"."

    HA!!!!That was awesome. Thanks for the shout out. My previously sleep happy niblet has become the I'm awake all the time in the middle of the night niblet. I want the other one back. Or just the ability to sleep through his mumblings.


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