Tuesday, September 2, 2008

In which I get schooled

This weekend was the last of the summer, the last hurrah before the spawn return to school, the weekend that you can hear all the parents in town breath a collective sigh of relief. It was also the weekend that I have looked forward to the most every year since I had children.

The Saanich Agricultural Fair was on! Yippee!

This fair is on every Labour Day weekend here in Victoria and it's become a family tradition to attend. Somehow we never end up going into the midway and hopping on the rides. This, I think, has less to do with my inherent distrust of carnies and the claptrap rides that they haul with them, and more to do with the fact that I refuse to auction off my spawn sell my soul spend a fortune on ride tickets just to stand in line for an hour for a ride that only I will enjoy and that's only because it makes Hotty Hubby look like he's going to puke.

Instead we wander around the agricultural part of it. We look at the animals, we watch some of the shows and we check out the market. And I take pictures. Duh. It was a learning day for all of us yesterday, but for me especially. Allow me to share the lessons with you....

Lesson 1 - Those silly signs they put up in various places in the parking lot mean nothing if you're driving a big truck and think the world belongs to you. As a matter of interest, there was a sign just like it on the other side of the truck with an arrow pointing in. Just how blind WAS this guy?

Photobucket

Lesson 2 - The spawn are sadly now at an age where I cannot fool them. When we saw these empty cages I acted all shocked and asked CJ "Where'd the chickens go?! Do you think they escaped?!". Now, I happen to KNOW that my acting skills are of the highest caliber, so I can only think that it is because he is growing up that he would answer "ooohh. No mommy, someone came and got them" and walk away from me shaking his head.

Photobucket

Lesson 3 - Some turkeys are like some women I know. Ugly and bitchy. This old bird (ha. haha. funny eh?) has lovely feathers, but she was a nasty thing. Those fuzzy, half cut out of the picture folk behind her? One of them is a child....who had just been bitten by the turkey. Screamed. Bloody. Murder.

Photobucket

Lesson 4 - Some turkeys are like most men I know. Horny. Relentless. Possibly scary? Meet "Tom". According to his handler (who took great pleasure in making the bird do his "gobble gobble gobble" thing to freak out the kids) "Tom" was looking for a girlfriend. Well let me tell you dear readers....my ego couldn't decide which way to go yesterday. UP....Ooohhh the turkey thinks I'm hot. I must look good today. Or DOWN....Oooohhh the turkey thinks I'm hot. Must lose this neck fat.

Damn turkeys. Remind me to get a 30 pounder for Christmas dinner.

Photobucket

Lesson 5 - Things in the bird world are incredibly similar to things in the human world. Women like to shake their asses and men like to puff out their chests.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Lesson 6 - When taking your 6 year old, who can now read, to the fair....avoid signs like these. They tend to make the spawnlet get teary and concerned as she waits for an answer to "But mommy! It says ROASTER....does that mean they're going to cook it? WHO EATS RABBIT?!!"

I can't very well look at her and say "Well actually honey, I eat rabbit". I'd be disowned on the spot and then who the hell would wipe my ass when I'm 90? Yeah. I knew you'd be on my side.

Photobucket

Though, I have to say I'm not partial to stew, so the next sign didn't pose quite the same moral dilemma...

Photobucket

Lesson 7 - We soooooo got the better end of the deal when it comes to childbirth! Oh shut up. I don't want to hear about your 30 hours of back labour. This poor goat is going to have FOUR (!!) hooves kicking their way out of her HooHa. And the rabbits? Holy crap man.....some of them squeeze out like 12 babies! I'm glad to be human and have the option of drug induced stupors where I can come out of the fog later to find myself holding a cute little sleeping bundle of (pooping) joy.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Lesson 8 - Folks in the country need more to do. Live in the city? Go to a movie, out for dinner with a friend, concerts, shopping. Live out in the middle of nowhere on a farm? Three words my friends..... Poultry. Drag. Races.

Photobucket

Lesson 9 - Never stand in between a pimp and his Hos. This duck, while temporarily enjoying the lavish attentions of the mini ones, kept an ever vigilant eye on his girls in the cage up behind my head. Then, he noticed that not only was I in his way, but I also made a darn good platform. So he came at me. Fun times, lemme tell ya!

Photobucket

Photobucket

Lesson 10 - The final lesson. The absolute pinacle of the day. Where I learned that clearly I slept through too much of school and should return with the children tomorrow. We spotted this fine specimen of a (Foghorn)Leghorn and of course the children were ecstatic to see a "real" rooster. I'm not sure where they've been seeing fakes...but I digress.

Photobucket

In the conversation that followed, I may as well have packed my snack for recess on the spot.

Ash - "Look Mommy! A REAL rooster! Do you think it's a girl or a boy rooster mommy?"

Me - "I dunno honey, it's kind of hard to tell in birds."

Brief pause. Sound of giggles behind me. I turn to see Hotty Hubby just killing himself laughing.

Me - "WHAT?!"

Hotty Hubby - "Meg. It's a ROOSTER"

Me - "Yeah. And?"

**CLICK**

Me - "ooooohhhhhhhh"

Clearly, I made the right decision when I chose NOT to homeschool my children.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

9 comments:

  1. so a suppose a rooster is male?? lol i have no idea either

    ReplyDelete
  2. Question: Is the poultry in drag? Cause I'd pay money to see that one...

    ReplyDelete
  3. That looks like a fun day! That duck looks different than our ducks. It must be a Canadian duck. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do they have an exhibit at your fair that lets you stand around and wait for the pigs give birth? Ours does, and it attracts the longest lines. City folk delight in watching a giant pig pant away and eek out baby after baby.

    Last year, I watched someone help a cow birth a calf, and I gotta admit, I was a wee bit traumatized when they got the chains out to yank!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh man! Priceless pictures! Love the poultry drag races... we all have our passions! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Those sleeping bunnies were all the cuteness I can handle in one day ...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh the memories this brings back! I have been obsessed with chickens at county fairs since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I love birds in general but for some odd reason, I love fat chickens with froofy feathers.
    When my daughter was in 4-H, we would have to go to these fashion shows where the girls would model the clothing they made. There was even a category for choosing accessories which I though was ridiculous. One girl one a BLUE RIBBON for picking out a robe she could wear in her dorm when she went away to college. Uhhhh, what??

    ReplyDelete
  8. Somehow I don't think I'll ever think the same way about going to the fair again! It looks like you guys had a great time.

    ReplyDelete
  9. And I also love that about the rooster... "you can't really tell with birds"

    ReplyDelete

Show me some love people.....you know you want to!