Randomness at its best

Ok so I missed the "tomorrow" mark that I promised you all, but only because I was so busy that I totally forgot about all my lovelies out there who read this space full of BS. I will try my bestest not to forget about you all again.

Because life has been so hectic lately, and because it is currently 5:50am and I'm sitting at work trying not to fall asleep, you are getting a bit of randomness this morning. Cos I can. Suck it.


Randomness #1- I work in a hotel. Or a motel. I'm not really sure anymore. I think technically it's a motel because you do not have to go through the entire hotel to get to any of the rooms, they all have external entrances. Anyway, I digress. I work in a motel. It's part of a chain of hotels here in Victoria and it's one of the most affordable in town. Combine the affordability with the fact that all the rooms have their own outside entrance and you can guarantee at least one less than desirable character a week. Over the summer it wasn't too bad because we had so many tourists here that most of the freaky deaky folks didn't stand a chance. But there's always a few who squeak through isn't there?

Case in point - girl hooks up with 4 guys in a bar (sounds like the beginning of a bad joke doesn't it?) and because either 1) her mother didn't teach her a damn thing about personal safety in the big bad city or 2) she's just plain stupid, she agrees to accompany said guys back to a wee little motel for more partying. Less than an hour later, she's covered in blood, the motel is swarming with cops and the 4 guys are arrested for assault and possibly rape. A search of the room uncovers drugs, cash and weapons.

Case in point - small town girl (who has only been in town 3 weeks) is convinced by her university friends to go out on the town. Girl is promptly ditched by her nasty ass friends and feels stranded. When a good looking guy that she's been checking out all night offers to take her somewhere to sober up and then take her home, she accepts. She finds herself in the wee little motel and lays down to sleep for a bit til the booze wears off. Hunky McFunky doesn't like this plan and proceeds to try and force her to bow to his whim. This girls mama taught her well, she runs to the office of the motel and asks for help. Hunky McStupid follows her as if nothing is wrong and wonders why the girl at the desk is holding a Louisville Slugger and won't let him in.

There are so many more, I could go on forever. It amazes me, honestly, that no one has laid into ME yet. I work the graveyard shift and while our security guy is fantastic, he's off work before my shift is over. Let's hope those cops can haul ass if I need them eh?


Randomness #2- Boys, who eventually grow up into men, are absolutely fascinated by their penises. Given that my oldest is a girl, and my sibling is a girl, I really had very little idea of what to expect when it came to having a boy. Now that he's four and is..um....discovering (??) more of himself, I'm constantly amazed. My house is home to the (soon to be) world famous "Dancing Penis" act. That boy thinks he has the best weiner in the land. Oscar Meyer move over cos pretty soon everyone's going to be singing a different song.

Today after a trip to the beach after school, the boy spawn was soaked. Not having planned ahead (as per usual), I had no spare clothes for him and was forced to strip him down before sticking him in the car. This caused an impromptu "Penis Dance" in the parking lot, and then the amazing tricks (for the benefit of his sister) of making it stand to attention and stand at ease and then back to attention again on the drive home.

All these penile theatrics spurred the comment from Ash "maybe we should drop CJ at Penis World". As I began to laugh, CJ piped up very excitedly, "Will there be girls there?!"

Ahhh.....the boy takes after his father so much!

Randomness #3- I need to find a home for a very much loved, but at the same time hated, animal. The children love him, and he comes in very handy at times. But I cannot have him in the house anymore. Bob the Gorilla MUST go. I cannot stand it anymore. The mess that follows this creature around the house is intolerable. I am positive that if I can find someone to love him and cherish him, that he will be happy. And my house will be clean. There will be no more dirty dishes stacked all over the house. The bedrooms will all be clean and the laundry will all be washed, dried, folded and put away. The bathrooms will be spotless and the lawn will me mowed. Bob needs somewhere where he can be his messy self without fear of repercussions. There must be a slovenly person out there who would like a gorgeous gorilla to keep them company?

Randomness #4 - This is a random bit of trivia that was found by my dear friend Alison and reported to me amid fits of giggles (mostly on my part, she's far to mature for that). After a morning spent at a secluded beach with the tide far out, searching for starfish and crabs to look at, and trying to scrape ourselves on the barnacles, Alison and her son decided to look up information about barnacles. Turns out they're hermaphrodites...but that's not the best bit. Apparently (you men will love this), the barnacle has the highest Penis to Body ratio of all creatures. A tiny little barnacle can have a penis up to 15 cms in length!!! I'm not entirely sure where they put it, or even WHY they have one so long when there are so many men who are penile challenged in this world but I found the tidbit fascinating. Combine their incredible endowments with the fact that they are hermaphrodites and it really gives a whole new meaning to "Go fuck yourself" doesn't it?