Thursday, December 4, 2008

Here's to cheesy clichés

It's something that I aspire to, something that warms my insides and something that not enough people value anymore.

They walked along the sidewalk in front of me, hand in hand, heads close and whispering to each other. Occasionally she would giggle and gaze up at him with her beautiful smiling eyes. He clearly adored her and anyone who wasn't completely blind would have been able to see this. As I trudged along behind them feeling sorry for myself and wondering what the hell was the matter with the world, and particularly my life (it had been a hard day), I began to eavesdrop just a little bit.

He made funny little jabs at her about how it was her birthday next week and "boy are you ever getting old...I might just have to find me a young thing to take up with". She took it all in stride, something that many women would have trouble with. I know that depending on the day, I certainly get my back up if Hotty Hubby makes a comment about my age. This woman just laughed and squeezed his hand. For all I know she was squeezing it hard enough to hurt him, as a promise of the payback pain yet to come, but to me it looked like a loving thing.

They chatted back and forth about the upcoming week and how she might like to celebrate her birthday. A big party? A night of drinking with her girlfriends? She giggled at each suggestion as he made them, telling him not to be silly....she just wanted to have a quiet night at home with "the love of my life". This pair seemed so at ease, so in sync with each other. Every cheesy cliché that has ever been uttered appeared to fit their relationship.


As we continued our walk and I listened more, I wondered if this was how all married couples are. Do you become more of a unit the longer you're married? Do you get more laid back and get better at letting the small stuff just roll off your back? Does it take a special kind of person?

I have no idea how long this couple has been married, it could just be a couple of years, but I got the impression it has been many years since they first said "I do." I suppose when he made the joke about her age, he could be considered correct. To a random stranger like myself, she would look older. If I had to guess, I would say she was at least 70. Her companion at least the same age. But as they gazed at each other and strolled along through town, they looked like the young newlyweds I'm sure they once were.

Hotty Hubby and I have been married for 6 1/2 years now. It's been hard work, incredibly hard. But worth it, so very very worth it. We've had some great ups and some horrible downs, but we've always come out the other side. Watching this couple in action made me optimistic all over again. If they can make it, surely we can too right? But what makes their relationship so special, so apparently easy? It has taken me three days of thinking about that to come up with anything.

I saw a clip of Will Smith's interview with Barbara Walters today (it should be airing soon) and in it he said that part of the secret to his successful marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith is that "Divorce is not an option". BINGO!!

Let's assume that this couple has been married since they were in their early 20s. They're a bit younger than my grandparents. Back then the same philosophy applied to most people, it just wasn't an option. So you entered marriage knowing that until one of you died, this was the person you would be with forever. Nowadays? Well,'re 2 months into your marriage and decide you don't like the way he leaves his socks everywhere? DIVORCE!! Hollywood stars do this regularly. Elizabeth Taylor has been married how many times?

Obviously there are times when divorce is the best thing for all concerned, but I think people take it too lightly a lot of the time now. Personally, I'd like to subscribe to the Will Smith school of thought (I never thought I'd hear myself say that) and say right here and now that for me, divorce is NOT an option. I happen to be married to one of the most loving and wonderful men that this world has seen. Sure he can't find a laundry basket with a bloodhound helping him, and if the dishes are piling up and he needs a plate, he'll just wash the one he needs...but he loves me and our children and that's good enough for me.

That couple on the street? It's something that I aspire to, something that warms my insides and something that not enough people value anymore. I want to be them. I want to be 70 years old, walking down the street hand in hand with my husband, giggling because he just told me I'm getting old.

How about you?

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  1. I totally agree. Short of gross infidelity (like kids involved and stuff), abuse, or conviction, divorce is not an option for me. And he feels the same way. So while we have our ups and downs (fortunately, never too down), we know that we will always be there for each other. And I want him there.

  2. Tool Man laid down that train of thought before we ever said 'I do.' He simply said that this was it for him. He was only getting married once, and that divorce wasn't even a blip on his radar, and it's not like it was on mine, either, but I'll admit that I come from a family where divorce is rampant on both sides. My own parents divorced years after they should have. His family, on the other hand, has no divorces. Zero. It's really quite amazing. Doesn't mean every marriage has been ideal, but you see a definite willingness to work at things before cashing in all the chips.

    Tool Man and I marked 14 years this past fall. There's been far more ups than there've been downs. The 'divorce is not an option' thing can and does work!

  3. Amen! No matter how much he drives me crazy, not having him would be much, much, much worse. Yup, I guess I love my husband. Heh.

  4. We met when were 15.
    We married when we were 20.
    Thirty-six years of marriage the word "divorce" has never, ever been mentioned ... even in the worst of times.
    When they're the right one ... they're the right one.
    A few days ago we kissed while waiting in line at a supermarket check-out.
    Somebody behind us said to "get a room". My wife turned and said ... "Why should we? We have enough time. There's still 3 people ahead of us."
    I blushed ... She's a keeper!

  5. If only every person who said these words meant them. My xh didn't. I did. I still do.

    I love watching older couples walking hand in hand like this. It still gives me hope that out there, somewhere, is a man who believes as I do... and one day we'll meet; but, until that day....

  6. i want to be them too!!!

    such a sweet story :)

    Will Smith is a smart dude!! haha

  7. I agree that I want to be like that couple in their 70's.
    and I agree that there are some people for whom is too readily an option.
    As someone who has been divorced and recently re-married, I can also say that there are parts of it that suck. I stuck out a partnership that wasn't perfect for 13 years. And then I met the true love of my life. Would I prefered to have married HIM in my 20's? Sure. But that's not how my life happened, nor his.
    Still, when I am giggling with hubby at 70, we will have been married 30 year then. Not bad.
    Great post, Meg!

  8. I love this post!

    I aspire to this too.

    And while he makes some silly movies, I have to say, I take anything Will Smith says at his word. I had the fortune to get to watch him work, live and in person. He is one of the nicest, most genuine people I've encountered. I believe him when he says that, and I think it's something more people should strive for.


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