Sunday, December 7, 2008

Merry Mischievous Mayhem

Last week, I read something over at Football, Ballet, and Beer! that reminded me of some of the Christmas Traditions (and yes it should be capitalized - it's very very important dontcha know) that we've had over the years. More than anything, I was glad to see I wasn't the only one who experiences the effects of idiocy at Christmas time, not the only one who gets sucked into the imustkeepthekidshappyandentertainedsotheydontriot nightmare that so many of us experience at this time of the year.

We have the standard traditions that many folks share - stockings that are opened first thing in the morning, one or two gifts ripped apart on Christmas Eve, and the family get togethers.

Here in the MadWoman household we subscribe to a few other ideas. On Christmas Eve, if we're not with family, we chow down on Chinese food. We sprinkle reindeer food out on the lawn to guide the sleigh in and keep the deer happy while the fat man delivers the goods. We also - and this is what we have in common with Dto3 - invite evil Elves into the house. Yeah, you heard me. We write a letter to Santa asking him if he can send some of his elves to visit. And they came! What we didn't bargain was the mischief they would cause.

Enter....the world of Elves -

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Through the mail box they came, with a letter introducing them. Twin elves by the names of Penelope M. Sassafras and Marvin H. Feldspar. They claimed to be there to keep an eye on the spawn and that they wouldn't be able to do much fun stuff because they had to be on their best behaviour.

ELVES LIE!!!

That first night, as we slept curled up and dreaming, they got into my stash of cotton balls. Apparently they missed the snow, and these were a good substitute for their nightly snowball fight.

Forts were made and balls were thrown.

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At least they were quiet, and it was easy to clean up. I can't complain too much. The kids thought it was fantastic, and were looking forward to seeing what else the elves would get up to at night - as long as they stayed out of their rooms. I figured it was a pretty safe bet. There should be no reason for the elves to enter the treacherous grounds that masquerade as children's rooms right? After all, it's hard to even see floor in there and half the toys are bigger than the elves.

HA! Cue the underwear thieves. Not only did they brave the battleground of Lego and Barbies, but they stole all the kids' underwear. As if this weren't bad enough, it appeared they weren't satisfied with the way Hotty Hubby and I had decorated the tree.

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If you look close, you can see they also tried to hide in the tree and then couldn't figure out how to get down again. Sad really...aren't they supposed to be magic?

For the next week or so they were relatively well behaved, and would just take to hiding in random places. It became a daily challenge for the kids to try and find them.

On our mini ceramic Christmas tree (having removed some of the decorations) and on a shelf after knocking off cards....

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The final straw came on Christmas Eve. Spawnlets in bed, gifts under the tree, and us curled up in bed. The little buggers got into the FLOUR!! Oh yeah. Apparently "snow angels" are a Christmas Eve tradition for them. They were disappointed that they'd been dispatched to somewhere without snow, so they improvised.

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The kids have convinced me to invite the elves back again this year. I'm hoping we get some better behaved ones this year, but Hotty Hubby tells me not to hold my breath.

So what are your Christmas traditions? Do you delve into the "I'manidiotwhohasnothingbettertodo" world of the moronic to keep the kids happy or do you do something normal?

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8 comments:

  1. OMG, woman! How freakin' clever is that!

    *bows down in front of screen, chanting "we're not worthy, we're not worthy!"*

    When Cenzo is older and I'm no longer wiping yogurt off the kitchen walls, I may have to invite some elves in myself. No sense giving Cenzo any ideas at this age. Heh.

    Our traditions include having pizza on Christmas Eve, while opening presents received in the mail from relatives. I like to make sure those get the appreciation they deserve, rather than getting lost in the flurry of Christmas morning.

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  2. THAT.IS.AWESOME!!!!

    Your twitter is sooo wrong. Evil elves make awesome blog fodder!

    Our big thing is decorating ornaments at one of those paint your own pottery places. We've been doing this since they were infants, and now we have over twenty of them.

    The reindeer usually come inside and make a mess though. Freakin' reindeer.

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  3. That's hilarious. I'm too boring to come up with something like that. It was a stretch for me to put out a plate of cookies and milk for the fat guy (my husband) to eat.

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  4. One: I'm stealing the reindeer food idea - but we're going to toss it on the roof.

    Two: The Fundies Tree is amazing. I am stealing this as well...but I'm going to sneak into my brother's house and do it to his tree, which sits in full view of the street for all his neighbours to enjoy.

    At least the elves were into the flour for the snow angels and they didn't mistake it for nose candy, leaving behind a tiny mirror and a rolled up twenty.

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  5. OK - maybe Frost should do some bad things. Maybe this will convince my youngest spawn of Osiris to get it under control! [Thanks for the shout-out, by the way!] The snow ball idea is a great one - I may have to copy it.

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  6. Did the elves punch that hole in the wall near the lightswitch? I hope they know how to patch drywall!

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  7. oh my god! I totally LOVE the elves! The snowball fight is great and the underwear on the trees...so creative!
    We are just beginning new traditions as a blended family. We will have all three daughters for Christmas this year. Maybe elves will come visit Vermont, too....

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