Tuesday, January 13, 2009

And the Mayhem continues...

Hello peoples! After my lame-o "fat chicks" posting yesterday, I thought I owed your a smidge more than that today, so I have put aside the work I should be doing for the school and here I am. Who says I have to complete any other tasks today right?

A while ago, I told you about some of the characters that frequent my place of torture employment and left you with the promise of more to come. Working in such a place, I am certainly never without blog fodder, it's really more an issue of putting it into context for y'all so that I don't get that blank stare, glazed over look and "I guess you had to be there" result.

Since the initial introduction of some of the characters, there have been some new residents added to Casa Crappy. While I still see a great deal of the Creeper/PSG and Rain Main, I am pleased to announce that all three Miscreants and Drunken Lout have moved on. For awhile there I was concerned that perhaps I had just lucked out with the originals, and that there would be no others. How incredibly ridiculous of me!

Allow me to introduce you to some of our newer, and always ... um... interesting (?) residents.

Man Bitch This guy is just one of the contenders in what is fast becoming a competition for the dishonourable title of the "Creeper". As with the original creeper, this one can also be found skulking around the parking lot at 3am, cigarette hanging out of one corner of his mouth, and conspiracy theories always at the ready. MB gets along well with Creeper and they play off each other nicely. Should Creeper not be available for conversation, fear not dear readers for Man Bitch WILL come and find you! The fact that you are watching a movie, reading a book, reading important blogs or (heaven forbid) working, will not deter MB. Not even remotely interested in the crap spewing from his mouth? He cares not. You will find yourself immersed in conversation about ghosts and spectres, how "the man" and "big brother" control everything, including our thoughts. Even being downright rude will not provoke a cease and desist order in his brain.
The bitch part of him comes into play during conversation at what would seem to be random times. The king (queen?) of backhanded insults, you will find yourself questioning every decision you've ever made as a result of your 3 hour interaction with him.

"Well, you work in a motel ... at night...so you clearly have no career aspirations"

"I'd explain it to you but I think it takes and educated person to understand it"

"Has your husband struggled with his weight for awhile too? What do you mean he's not overweight? Well I naturally assumed that because you are...well....umm... chubby, that your husband would be too. It's not normal for a skinny guy to like a fat chick. Sorry, I mean overweight chick"

People, should you encounter Man Bitch or someone like him, I highly recommend you tie your hands behind your back and resist the urge to slug him.

A.D.A.B. (Almost Dead and Buried)- This gentleman is a mystery. At least 200 years of age, ADAB trundles around town at hours normally reserved for shift workers and ladies of the night. He travels by motorized wheelchair and will growl at any who dare to get in his way. The smell emanating from him will be enough to turn you off food for a week if his general demeanor and attitude doesn't.
Should ADAB not show up in the office at his regular time of 4am to collect the newspaper, your brain will naturally jump to the conclusion that he has died in his sleep rather than just taking a break from the torment. NOTE - be prepared to rescue ADAB from his bathroom with some regularity as he frequently locks himself in to protect himself from the rabid dust bunnies in his room.

The thought pops into my head on a daily basis that I should perhaps be taking giant bottles of wine into the office with me, to allow me to make it through. I wonder if anyone would notice another drunken idiot around the place? I might just blend in!

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  1. My hands would have to be behind my back not to refrain from hitting Man Bitch, but for the police to put me in cuffs after I attempted to kill him, I think. Cripes...kudos for putting up with that one!

    I once asked if I could help a bookstore customer last fall and they informed me that no, I couldn't, because I didn't have a college education. Yeah. Um, I do, but I didn't need one to know what an ass is! :)

  2. I'm thinking ManBitch will soon be ADAB.

  3. The kind of people you can't make up.
    I am also a 'fat chick'/overweight woman. When I used to work at a health food store this time of year I'd get all kinds of questions about the diet pills. More often than not I'd get questions like "Which ones have you tried?" and I'd sort of look down at my ample body and look up at them and say "Uh, none."

  4. We have a couple of ADAB's that toodle around town scaring small children and leaving trails of cigarette butts in their wake - you know, in case they get lost. Munky held the door open for one at a local cafe and you would have thought he assaulted her with the way she lit into him for assuming she needed assistance with the door. Which she did, but wouldn't admit it. The owner came over after she left and apologized and she had nothing to do with it!


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