Friday, February 27, 2009

If found, please return to.....

As if often the case with the written word, things get lost in translation. This has happened on occasion to me, and most recently it seems that I duped the lovely Kerrie over at Minivan Soapbox. See, I thought I was asking her to do a guest post for me (suckered another one in), but she thought I was asking her to come for a visit. I know right?

So because of my incredibly unclear message and the resulting fallout, I received this lovely letter from Kerrie. Seems that the intended message was not the only thing lost in translation....we lost an entire country!! So, if anyone finds it, please send it back. In the meantime, I'm off to put together a package of proof for Kerrie (complete with pictures of moi).


Hi Meg,

I was thrilled when you invited me to your place for a bit – but then I checked out the airfares to Victoria…and holy shit – it's almost $800 dollars to get to Canada. So, I decided to just write you a letter instead. I realize that it's really no comparison to an actual visit from the Minivan Soapbox, but given the state of our economy, and my bank account, it'll have to do. But then my husband pointed out that you probably weren't exactly inviting ME to your house exactly, but that the invitation was strictly for my online persona, to your online persona…and then I got a bit embarrassed for even checking airfares in the first place. But I guess knowing how much it costs to get to Victoria is always good information to have in case anyone ever does in fact actually invite me, the real person, to their house.

Speaking of Canada. I'm not entirely sure it's real.

You see, ever since you pretended to invite me to your house for a visit, I've been busy planning my trip and have been asking my friends and colleagues if they have ever visited, and if so, where I should ask you to take me. You know, all the Victoria hot spots. No one has ever been there. Not. One. Person. And I work with quite a few well traveled folks. What are the chances that every single person I know has never been to Canada? I mean, the closest I got is that my sister knows all the lyrics to the "Oh Canada" song to the Canada Pavilion at Epcot Disney … and just between you and me … my sister is a bit off.

However, in Canada's defense, I've been watching a lot of Lost lately. And by a lot, I mean, I've re-watched all 5 seasons in less than 3 weeks. Paused and taken notes. Created theories. Called my "off sister" and relayed those theories. Debunked those theories and created different ones. I've watched interviews with the producers. I've read forums and recaps. Right now…everything is a conspiracy theory.

What was I talking about again? I guess it doesn't matter.

So, my daughter and I were driving the other day and she was telling me that at school they are discussing "what they want to be when they grow up". She, of course, wants to be bathed in pink and be given a Tiara so she can be some Princess or something. Interestingly enough, she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Without thinking I said I wanted to be The Bloggess when I grew up. She, of course, wanted to know what that was. Realizing that I couldn't explain to a four year old about fisting, kitten mittens, and meth addiction…I said "never mind, she's my imaginary friend". Which I suppose loops really well with this letter…as these days I'm not really sure what's real and what's not.

I'm sure once this TV. season is over, I'll be better.

If you could send proof that Canada is real, I would appreciate it. Other than a map that is…Charles Widmore has enough money to fake those.

And if you could also send proof that YOU are real, that would be helpful as well.

Actually, you can disregard both of those requests….Just send me Sawyer.

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  1. haha this is too funny!!

    thanks for the sweet comment, i love happy quotes :)

  2. Poor Kerrie! It sounds like she desperately needs a vacation. Perhaps if we all chipped in...? Once you provide proper proof, that is.

  3. What about sending her a copy of that South Park movie? However, on second thought, they disparaged Canadians!

    OH! Better yet! A copy of Strange Brew!

  4. "Have a brew! Don't cost nothin'." I believe that is the Canadian motto, isn't it? :) Great post!

  5. This is really funny. Let us know what you come up with for "evidence"

  6. I always knew my reading comprehension was bad, but this post proves it. All this time, I thought you hailed from Vancouver. I've been to Victoria. What I remember of it was great. While my loving wife and mother-in-law took in the Bouchard Gardens, my father-in-law and I went on a pub crawl. I think we saw all of the major landmarks, but don't ask me to quote any of them, it's all a haze to me. Great mead though!


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