Sunday, February 22, 2009

A not very easily flowing post.....

It may not have escaped your notice that I have been a tad slack of late when it comes to doing anything here. I try to tell myself that it's because I've been incredibly busy with all that life has thrown at me, but really it's not true. I am no longer so involved with Girl Spawn's school, I've had time to drink inordinate amounts of gin, tequila, vodka and rye at a party, and I've even had time to sleep for 16 hours straight. So really, the only reason I can honestly throw your way for my lack of posting is the fact I really am just plain lazy.

And you know what? I'm totally fine with that. Well, not totally but I'm fine enough with it that I don't feel the need to go find myself a piece of barbed wire and give myself 80 lashings. Self flagellation was never my thing. Self pleasure maybe (sorry family) but never self flagellation.

You see folks, I am a major procrastinator. And I now see it coming out in my children. I'm really not overly surprised when I ask them to clean their rooms or some other mundane chore, only to find that three hours later it still hasn't been done. Because really, who wants to be cleaning their room when Hannah-freakin'-Montana is on TV swinging her hips and acting like a tool? Well, I know which I'd prefer but then I'm not really a fan of the whole Miley Cyrus circus. It stinks of exploitation. No, not of Miley...of us. We're being exploited. To think we buy into all the crap spewed forth by her PR people. It's ridonculous!

Speaking of exploitation, I fear I may have done the same with Hotty Hubby's poor fragile, and overtired, being the other day. As part of our move, we were both required to have criminal record checks done. These needed to be based on our fingerprints, so off we trotted (well not so much trotted as sauntered innocently) into our local cop shop and had a rotund, gnome looking guy manhandle our poor hands as he covered us in ink and pressed finger to paper. Having mailed these forms off, we were then in a waiting game. By the time mine arrived in the mail giving me the all clear, we were beginning to joke about how his were taking so long because of some deep dark secret of his. Really people, he left the door wide open!! His arrived back in the mail this past Wednesday while he was at work. I, of course, chose to break federal law and open his mail so that I could make sure they were clear. Then, I started plotting.

Later that evening, as we sat on the couch vegging in front of the boob tube, I commented idly on how my younger sister had better get used to waiting for packages to arrive slowly as they'd be coming from overseas for awhile yet. As he casually asked why in that disinterested tone that I've come to love so, I took full advantage and went in for the kill.

"Well, your fingerprint check came back today and apparently it's connected to some ongoing criminal case."

I managed all this with a straight face (a feat unto itself) and watched with evil delight as the expression on his face became one that I imagine would also suit having his nads ripped off with a set of pliers.

"WHAT?!?!?!?!"

As I dissolved into fits of hysterical giggles, I took a moment to fully embrace the power that I had (albeit temporarily) yielded over the poor unsuspecting schmuck.

He assures me that I will live to regret April Fools day.

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7 comments:

  1. Boob tube? I'd like to purchase one of those please.

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  2. You are a cruel and funny woman! OMG. I would like to think I would be so clever. LOL

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  3. So... did you get it on video too?!? You could make some serious money on one of those funny video shows! I love your cruel side! Can't wait to read this blog come April 2nd! Can't wait to see what HH comes up with for you! LMBO!

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  4. Ha! So very well played! I would have only been able to get about half of that out before a big grin gave me away.

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  5. Oh my goodness. I'd never have the guts or the poker face to pull one of on my hubby like that...that's very funny.

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  6. You are so evil! I love it. *snicker* I would never be able to pull that off with a straight face.

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  7. You know the funny part from my end is that I know that i don't have a record but i was still worried... BTW i am taking suggestions for April 1st.

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