Boy Spawn, at the age of 5, has discovered quite a passion for gold digging. In his nose. Unlike some other
Robin Hoods boys his age, he doesn't seem to be able to bring himself to eat it. Instead, I find little green nuggets smeared on bed frames, walls, bathroom sinks, shower doors and even on the back of MY pants. Thanks sweet child, I appreciate that.
So back I went to Boy Spawn to try again.
I could almost see the wheels going around in his head as he thought about what might be the best approach to this obvious problem.
"No. It wasn't me. I told you!"
"Yes but you told me it was Girl Spawn and she says it's not because she eats hers which, besides being highly disgusting, lends an air of credibility to her story. So, let's have it. If it's not you, and I think it is, then who could it possibly be?"
More cranking of wheels. Smoking coming out the ears.
"Um. Bob? Yeah! Bob did it"
There have been other imaginary friends in the past. As a child I had "Christopher" and "Katie", who I insisted on bringing everywhere. Tantrums were had when doors were not held for them, and sometimes they joined us for dinner. Later, I'm told, I had "Crackle the Snackle Bird" who took the rap for any extreme noise.
Later on, before Bob arrived to grace us with his presence, we had "The Angry Bull".
Boy Spawn has "Kenoah" who frequently disappears to China and Africa to explore and search for new animals, but has yet to be blamed for any nuisance. I suppose because we have Bob.
Photo from FunnyChill.com thru Google Images
Anyway (because there IS a point to all this rambling), all of this reminded me of one of my favourite movies of all time. It was slammed by critics when it came out 18 years ago, but to this day it makes me giggle like a 12 year old boy. And we all know that's what is trapped in my brain. Maybe you figured it out from the title of this post?
"Hold on, hold on that's not how the pigeons do it. You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her"
"..breaking a window requires much sophisticatedliness....so I'd better do it"
Apparently, someone out there doesn't agree with me and has decided to remake this movie. It's meant to be released in 2011. Really?! 20 years after the original? And why on earth would you remake something like this? I mean, yeah it was awesome. But geez. What's worse is that they've decided to have Russell Brand (blech) play Fred!! Eww. I cannot even begin to imagine the thought process behind something like that. Ah well.
So what imaginary friends inhabit your house? Or if you don't have kids (or don't want to admit to being a childless adult that DOES have an imaginary friend), who did you have when you were a kid?
***Google search term of the week: "Stupid Women Eat Sperm". I don't think I'm ever going to tire of the sperm searchers.