Monday, December 28, 2009

Bobbly bits bouncing .... but not for long!

I don't know if y'all have checked in on Aunt Juicebox recently but yesterday when I swung by her place she had a post up about the blahs. We've all had them. Those post holidays feelings of "Wow I'm glad that shit is over" and "Oh my gawd. I can't believe I ate my child's weight in chocolate" and "Is that it?!". Of course, being me, I denied all knowledge of said blahs and left a comment alluding to the fact that it was all her when in fact half the world is currently trying to decide whether to throw the leftover turkey and chocolate in the garbage or just eat it and get it over with. The truth is, I totally understand the blahs but somehow have managed to avoid most of it this year. I think it has a lot to do with beginning my trek to find my feet BEFORE the holidays. I maintained some semblance of self control (barely!) through the last week and for the first time in years I did not eat everything that wasn't nailed down or held in the clutches of my incredibly hot husband who would sooner die than give up his chocolate.

Another thing I did before the holiday madness fully set in? I fell under the spell of a couple of dictatorial bitches who will now have full control over portions of my life for the next little while. That's right, I'm calling you out Dual Mom and ZGirl! You have lured me in to your lair and there I will stay as I KICK YOUR ASSES at the challenge that you have issued. The lard laden gauntlet has been hurled and smacked me full on in the face.

What does all that mean? I know darlings, the post Christmas lull can slow down the brain cells a tad can't it? Well. What it means for me is this - as of January 2nd, a mere FIVE days from now, I will be taking part in the exercise/weightloss/kill or be killed challenge that the aforementioned "ladies" have issued. And we even have a smexy button to show off! See?

Excuse me a moment while I try and find my sanity. .........

Nope. It's gone.

I will be continuing on my path of eating well but I'll be stepping up the exercise about ten thousandillion notches because like I said a minute ago? I'll be kicking some ass. People from all corners of the interwebs will be taking part and there may or may not be prizes involved. Which will all be coming to me. Why? Because now that I've started the smack talk, how embarrassing would it be to ....shhhhhh...... lose?!!

And just for an added laugh, because I know y'all are just about rolling in the aisles by now, I thought I'd share a tidbit from Dual Mom with you. In my last post, I mentioned that the spawnlets had been given a trampoline for Christmas. DM read that and promptly said:

You know what that trampoline is good for, right? Exercise woman!!! It's perfect. Nothing like jiggling the crap out of your boobs to burn calories!!! Jan 2 is fast approaching!

To which I felt compelled to reply:

You know what the trampoline is NOT good for?? People over it's shamefully high weight limit! It's kind of mortifying!

Seriously folks. This bouncy contraption that is currently taking up space in my backyard, providing hours of endless entertainment for the spawn and will eventually be a source of fun for me when I watch Hotty Hubby try to mow around it, has a weight limit. It's a limit that would be high if I were at my optimal weight, but I'm not. The kids can use it. My mother and step father can use it. Hotty Hubby can even use it! (I'm not sure why I say that like this shouldn't be possible, it's not like the bean pole is a great standard of measurement for all things normal.) But I, sadly, exceed the weight limit. So there it is. The mortification. The fact that I cannot use it, even for exercise.

It's probably a good thing though. I mean, who wants to see that? Boobs and other bobbly bits bouncing around all over the place. It is (a) unattractive (b) dangerous (think black eyes and more!) and (c) too much fun to provide the rest of the family which means that it should be avoided at all costs. It was bad enough when mommy dearest asked me to demonstrate a jumping jack last night. It's hard to do when the temptation is to cross your arms to prevent a wayward boob knocking you out! point is that I have taken up the challenge. Wednesday will likely show a "Lost it Bitch" post here.....feel free to ignore but rest assured I'll know. I'm like Santa. I see you when you're sleeping. (By the way, I like that new negligee!)

So who will join us? You can check out the deets over HERE at Dual Mom's and grab the button over HERE at ZGirl's.

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  1. Go for a walk, a fast vigorous walk; it will burn calories and it is a weight-bearing activity which women need. Besides all that jumping on the trampoline will only make you pee on yourself. Wishing you success and health on eathing healthy and working out. Happy New Year, Lisa

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  3. You know what? The Wii Fit has a weight limit too. I think it's somewhere around 300 or 350? Luckily I am able to use it, but it kind of pisses me off that things like that have a weight limit. Aren't fat people the ones who need it the most? So you're going to prevent them from being able to use it? I'm going to be using that and my recumbent exercise bike for exercise. It's too cold and wet here to get outside much.

  4. Sadly I will not be joining...But I will ENCOURAGE greatly from the sidelines....I can't do things like that...Have to do them on my the dark...when no one is watching me! :)

  5. You can rock this! I wish you lots of luck, and hope you'll find healthy and satisfying ways to reward yourself as you meet goals you set for yourself.

  6. Well, my dear, my husband is over the weight limit on our trampoline, too, but he's on it all the time. He's been ignoring that weight limit for years, so go knock yourself out with a boob or two. It's serious fun and incredible exercise.

    Just don't tell anyone I told you to risk life and limb by ignoring the rules or anything...

  7. every time I go on our trampoline I pee my pants.



  8. and I am determined to lose weight, as well. Starting January 1.

    for real this year.

  9. I'm on a diet, but I go it alone. Like, uh, The Incredible Hulk. SHUT UP.

  10. Dude, get on the trampoline. Those weight limits are for sissies.

    I've always wanted a trampoline but I'm sure I'd be over the weight limit too.

    So I'm with you, I actually exercised today after even my fat jeans are super tight. It's depressing and I'm completely funkified.

  11. YEAH! Joining the madness huh? I am right there with ya babe!!

    The whole "over the weight limit" thing pisses me off. It would piss me off if I was a skinny bitch! How dare they exclude people who need it?

  12. The hubs gave me wii fit for Christmas and it's sitting all prettily unboxed and unused.

    I'll join you for the challenge. My birthday is in 12 weeks-ish and I'd prefer my butt to quit wobbling by then. Or at least hold still.

    (stopping by via mine via Think Tank LOL)

  13. I won't say I'm making a resolution (cuz then it will for sure not happen), but I would love to get healthier in 2010. I would also really love to lose a bunch of weight before my cruise. Which is in, like, 2 weeks. Totally do-able, right?

    Good luck!

  14. i don't care what the weight limit on a trampoline is...i am so with one want so see this old gal bouncing and flailing and jiggling. it ain't purty.

  15. Ha! I just heard a quote today I love "of all the things I lost in 2009 I miss my mind the most". I'm with you on the trampoline too. I officially surpassed the mandatory weight limit of our foldable Camp Chairs this summer. Not a proud moment for me. Trampoline sounds fun, but I'd have a bad case of Tit Wiggle or Booby Wobble as well. Plus the flab under my arms might fly up and hook on my earrings. It would be an ugly scene. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  16. Ate your kids weight in that's a good one! Love it! Do you have a button for your blog I can grab? I have friends who would love your site! I will surely add you to my blog roll.

  17. I do Jazzercise and I love it. Be careful with the trampoline---dangerous as far as injuries go. My mom broke her ankle exercising on one years ago.

    I definitely have the blahs and am trying to make smarter food choices. Tonight for dinner it's grilled shrimp atop spaghetti squash.

  18. Can I just say I love you, I mean seriously...I have a mental pic of your boobs flying everywhere and have been chuckling for the last 10 minutes.

    So glad you've taken up the gauntlet...this is going to be more fun than watching a one legged man in a three legged race.

  19. Jan 2 is my "it's go time" date too! It's on!!


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