Friday, March 12, 2010

A more ambitious woman would have roasted him on a spit!

I have a little bit of biz to get out of the way before I proceed to the roasting of the "him" in the title.

1) Remember that Great Interview Experiment that I took part in? No? Well reacquaint yourself. I'll wait.

Alright. The person who had the misfortune to interview me was Sus at Joy Is Everywhere. And today she has that interview posted. So head on over, say hi, marvel at my wit and weirdness and leave her some love.

Go on...CLICK HERE.


2) Loco YaYa over at Loco Yaya's Snafud World awarded me this fantastical little award a couple weeks back and I'm just getting around to sharing it with all of you. It's called The Stiletto Award ...for excellence in blogging. Once I'd finished giggling about the fact that someone thought I deserved an award like this, I was ever so grateful.

I'm meant to nominate 5 - 10 people who I think are deserving but let's face it, I don't read anyone's blog who isn't excellent. So you ALL deserve it.


Ok. Now.

Him.

He who has just barely managed to keep his testicles in the right place after opening his mouth and shoving a foot in. He who has mastered the art of backpedalling at high speed. He who barely managed to not have a knife driven through his eyeball.

With all the swimming that I have been doing lately in the interests of weight loss and fitness, I have noticed my body changing in various places. So as we stood in the kitchen last night talking about the places that muscles are going to start showing up, I was very excited about the prospect of having a swimmer's body. I even went so far as to flex what little muscles are currently showing in my arms and had him feel them. Big smile on my face, excitement oozing from every pore.

Which is why he was very lucky that I did not have anything sharp in my hand when he uttered the words "Yeah. You're getting hot".

Excuse me? I beg your pardon...or rather, you should be begging MY pardon! What did you just say? I'm getting hot? GETTING?! I have an idea, why don't you just dig yourself a hole and jump into it. Then cover yourself with 6 feet of dirt and stay there.

Men.

Now, I fully understand that he was trying to be nice and loving and gushy. I get that he merely left the suffix -ER off. This didn't make any more appreciative though.

Apparently I wasn't too tired yesterday though, because I just laughed and laughed and gave him a hard time. And then announced it on Facebook. And then vowed to blog about it. And tell everyone I know. Because you know I couldn't just let it go. Could you?

What have your spouses done that's similar? Did you cut their heart out with a spoon? (there's an extra leg hump in it for you if you know that reference too)

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21 comments:

  1. Congrats on the awards and on being hot (ter)!!!

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  2. Mate - it was a blunt rusty spoon too!

    Big Boy, when we were first dating and I was skinnier. Curvy, but skinnier.

    Me(standing looking side on in full length mirror):
    "I never used to have a fat stomach."
    Him: "Didn't you?"

    He still breathes, just shallowly.

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  3. That is a super cool button! Congrats on your awards and your budding swimmer's body! HAWT...

    Hubs was complaining the other day about his graying hair and growing belly and how old he thought he looked. I said, "At least you have a hot young wife..."

    He says, "Why do you say stupid stuff like that. I'm being serious here...."

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  4. Ok, I know you don't really want to know the stupid stuff the fucktard I'm married to says...

    So...I'll just tell you that yours should be kissing your shrinking ass for a very, very long time.

    And I'm proud of you for not stabbing him in the throat with a fork. You rock!

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  5. Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
    Sheriff of Nottingham: Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more.

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  6. In his defense, he was trying to support you and fawn all over you. Forgive him. He is a man and they know not what they say...or do...much of the time. I think you should give him a break. At least he is noticing. Some men are just dense enough not to notice change.

    PS Girl, you go! VERY proud of you.

    :)

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  7. Great post. TOTALLY swiping your button! Thanks for stopping by my blog too. I'll be back too. You are just too stinkin FUNNY! :)

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  8. your writing is refreshing and honest and men mean well ( i think ) ..but most of the time i'd rather they just nodded and said, "yes", rather than throw out words of their own.

    adiabelle.blogspot.com

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  9. I've got an award for you! (sing-song voice, but not the creepy one)

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  10. Congrats on that fancy award! Excellence you are!

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  11. Husbands....can't live with 'em, can't stab them in their faces. Sigh.

    I think when they say things like that, what they are really trying to tell us is that now OTHER people will find us hot, not just them. Or at least, that's what my moron says. And that's SO much better.

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  12. I don't get that saying but my leg is ready anyways.

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  13. Okay, first I was going to yell a warning at you to please tell me before you say things like "hump your leg." it is almost one. the kids area asleep, what do you think I am doing. DRINKING! Do you know what vodka out your nose feels like?
    Secondly, that man would not get sex until I deemed HE was HOT enough, not getting, not the man I fell in love with but a new type of HOT. What is it with men. Did they forget their brains at check-in?

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  14. My husband is very smart and diplomatic. He never says anything to get himself into trouble and always says things which make me adore him more.

    It is really annoying when I'm in a fighting mood. ;-)

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  15. Whatever we say is irrelevant, it will always be the wrong thing. I don't know what the turtle bit means, but I would like my leg humped.

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  16. Congrats on sticking with the diet/exercise plan! (I have failed miserably, yet again.) I can't recall a specific thing Hubs has said. He generally ignores my appearance and says nothing - good or bad.

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  17. I'm sure he was just blinded by the beauty and couldn't think of anything witty to say so quickly. You women are always so quick to judge...

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  18. How did you not break any crockery over his head? Of course, putting it on Facebook and blogging about should shame him sufficiently. :)

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  19. I'd like to think I am not that violent...but that's probably a lie. Love the awards, well deserved, my friend...

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  20. Wow. I think your shoe award is SO pretty : ) I love it.

    How great that you are getting great big arm muscles. I MUST go to the gym this week. Do you know why I hate going? Everyone is so skinny there. Darn it! : )

    I love when I have a comment from you. It is such a great blog title : ) Mad Woman! Have a happy week!

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Show me some love people.....you know you want to!