Monday, June 14, 2010

The NNNs came to get me!!

If you are (un)lucky enough to have me on your Facebook, then you will have perhaps noticed my incessant blathering about how sick I've been and oh, poor me, won't someone please take pity on me and so on and so on. I woke up Friday morning with what can only be described as the head cold from the deep, frozen corners of Hell. To be honest, at first I thought I just had some sniffles. I donned my sexy mask to prevent all the old people from catching my bugs and headed off to work.

Catwalk sexy, no?


By Friday evening, in between blowing gallons of snot out of my nose and wiping my eyes so often that I looked like a stoned hippie, I had come to the conclusion that perhaps I had so upset my husband that he had hired some Nasty Nasal Ninjas (NNNs) to come and inject a half ton of liquid into my head. I spent Saturday gradually feeling worse and contemplating the possibility that the only remedy for this malaise would be to chop off my head.

I feel that there should be a department to write to when sick and feeling like there is a distinct possibility you might drown in a pool of your own snot. Once contacted, this department would dispatch a rescue crew armed with suction bulbs and Netti-Pots to do away with the NNNs.

Every time I started to feel better and consider actually resembling a human being for a while, I would have to go to work. As a Support Worker, I am in contact with the elderly and disabled. If I don't wear my sexy mask to cover my mouth & nose and I breath on them, cough on them, sneeze on them or spit in their dinner, then they will also get the plague. Apparently this could be grounds for punishment, so I kept donning the mask of gorgeousness.

Here's the thing with these masks. If you wear glasses, they are a pain in the huge, dimply arse. They fog up and leave you with all the limited visibility but none of the awesomeness of a sauna. (But less sweaty...that's a plus). Also, while wearing one of these Lone Ranger masks, you are essentially breathing in your own disease filled air. Quite aside from the obvious grossness of this, it leaves your face feeling rather ...um... moist. Moist. Moist. (Is anyone cringing at that word?) Moist. (Muahaha!) I came out of each and every house, ripped my mask off and felt like a bloodhound had just given me a tongue bath. It was gross. And it did nothing to alleviate the watering eyes and runny nose.

Super. Attractive.

As client after client laughed at me, and I worked my way through an entire jumbo box of tissue, I began counting down the hours (minutes!) until 8:45 p.m. Sunday night when I could collapse in a gelatinous puddle.

(How's my pity party workin' so far?)

Monday morning I woke up feeling refreshed. Two nights of at least 11 hours sleep will help with that. I promptly overdid it with exercise but oh holy hell - how wonderful it is to be able to breathe. Except that now I can smell my spawn. And the hubby. *sigh*

In other, not so sickly, news - Hotty Hubby will be working nights for awhile. While many people would be unhappy about this, it makes me rather happy. I get an entire queen size bed to myself for 5 out of 7 nights. He'll sleep while the kids are at school and I'm at work. We'll get just as much time together as we do now...but he gets $2 extra per hour AND overtime. Can we say WOO! ???


So how are you all feeling? Did I manage to pass on the Head Cold From Hell to any of you? Give it a whirl sometime...I promise you'll feel like shit.

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15 comments:

  1. Why is it that I started coughing when I got to the end of this post? Stop trying to infect us through the interweb! :)
    Glad you're feeling better today. (or is it yesterday or maybe tomorrow - stop it! I haven't had enough coffee yet!)
    Don't overdo it, though. The potential for another round of mask-wearing ought to scare you into taking care of yourself. :)

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  2. I feel your pain. I get the NNN all winter every year.

    I love when Tom works 3rd. He doesn't get any extra pay or overtime but getting the bed to myself is SO worth it.

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  3. Ew.
    (I'm being sympathetic.)
    Ew.

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  4. I think writing a message on that mask you are wearing would make it even more attractive. Not sure what message but you are a creative gal!

    Hope you feel better soon and are able to smell other people's spawn as well! You'll know you are on the road to recovery when that happens.

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  5. Hope you feel better!

    Dahling, you are so catwalk ready!!

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  6. Ew -- nasty!

    And don't you love how when you are most miserable those around you feel the need to mock you?

    Hope you continue to feel better.

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  7. That mask is VERY sexy...very! I managed to avoid strep that two co-workers had....thus far anyway..I had it last year, so that's enough.

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  8. I'm sorry you felt so punk. But you actually "rock" that mask! Hot!

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  9. I hate those masks!! I always feel like I cant breathe. But you dont look bad at all!

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  10. WHOLE BED TO YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?!

    So jealous.

    And more money for shoes!

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  11. Wow. You're treading dangerously close to man-cold. And the mask is tres sexy.

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  12. I hate summer colds... they are the worst!!

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  13. Yay for the overtime and more money, boo for sickness.

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  14. I think I caught your head cold, yes. Thanks a lot. I'm mostly over it and exercised for the first time today in the past week. Stupid colds. You do look dead sexy in that mask though. ;)

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  15. Only one thing worse than the dreaded NNN each winter is the male of the species proceeding to enact the dying swan scene from Swan Lake when he bravely brings home Man Flu.

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Show me some love people.....you know you want to!