Wednesday, August 6, 2008

1, 2, 3, 4...tell me that you love me more

It's official folks. We are now the best parents ever according to the spawnlets. Why, you ask? Well let me tell you.....

Because we took the spawn (ages 4 and 6) to their first official adult concert. Ever. Because we rock. Because it seemed like fun. Because it was free.

Yeah ok, I admit I'm a cheapskate but I'm a fun cheapskate so there.

This weekend was a long weekend here in B.C as we celebrated BC Day and more importantly the 150th anniversary of BC being...umm...BC? Clearly I need to brush up on my Canadian History but that's another topic altogether.

So, the Canadian government (such as it is) gave B.C. $6.6 million to put on these festivities all over the province and what we got here in Victoria was fantastical. The Snowbirds did a wee bit of a fly past, there was free entry to all sorts of touristy places all over the city and on Monday there was multiple free concerts.

We braved the masses and headed downtown, determined to find a parking spot even if it meant I had to pay a parking ticket or pay to get my car out of impound. After parking on the 7th floor of a parking garage, we threw the youngest in a stroller and dragged the whining 6 year old down the streets teeming with people who had a look in their eyes like they hadn't been out of the house in two years. You know...this look....


As we walked through the heat, down through the Inner Harbour towards the grounds of the Legislature Buildings, we could hear Sarah McLachlan singing away and she was rockin' it. We'd already managed to miss Colin James so we sped up. What we neglected in our hurry, because we're such fantastic parental figures, is to feed the spawn. So by the time 8pm rolled around they were starving.

Hotty Hubby left me and the spawn standing by the Legislature and off he went in search of nourishment. In his absence, the kids and I got to listen to Sarah croon away and then this kid by the name of Shawn Hlookoff hit the stage. I first heard of him back in November when Remembrance Day rolled around here in Canada and he had penned a song as a tribute to all our soldiers. Well, while the video below might not show it, the boy can certainly rock it. He's 23 but it certainly making his name known.

By the time Hotty Hubby made it back, he'd managed to miss Sarah and Shawn singing but at least he came bearing food. I think the kids might have chewed on him if he'd come empty handed. Did you know that for a mere $23 (!!) you can buy 4 hot dogs and 4 cans of pop from a food stand in Victoria?? I know. Bloody ridiculous. Yet, there's not much I can say after he'd gone all the way to the other side of town to get it all and missed most of the concerts.

So, we ditched the stroller by a tree and trekked into the crowd to see if we could find ANY green space that was within view of the stage and/or jumbotrons. Aha! There's a big space, let's go there! Sit children, eat...for the cool people will be on stage soon. As I stood up to stretch my legs (I'm old and can't sit in those positions for long), I noticed a "gentleman" and his wife behind me. He looked like he had a broom shoved firmly up his arse and I thought perhaps he might be related to the bank lady and if he wasn't his pursed looking wife certainly might be. Seems they had likely been sitting in their chairs all day, listening to the music and enjoying the atmosphere and had so far not had any ingrates dare to stand in front of them. Well, now the "big show" was getting geared up to start and we appeared.

Don't get me wrong, it pisses me off as much as the next person when some giant behemoth plants their ass (or head) in front of me or my children and blocks our view, but usually a politely worded "get the fuck out of the way" works wonders no?

I sat back down again, and watched more people fill in around us to watch the final concert. The next time I stood up again to stretch my legs, I felt someone standing right up against me!! I turned and it's the "gentleman" from behind us. Clearly he and his wife had voted in favour of intimidation vs politeness and so he was doing his best to scare me into sitting. This MAY have worked had I not been a good 3 inches taller than him. I glared, he sat back down. The distance between us by this time had grown to a good 15 feet thanks to us moving forward a few times as more space opened up.

By the time the last show was ready to start, ALL the space around us had been filled in with people. Standing people! And buddy with the broom filled arse was sitting there looking mightily pissed off. At least by this time I could honestly say it wasn't ME standing in front of him anymore. starts...and I look down to see CJ laying on the grass at my feet. Asleep. Yeah.

So, Hotty Hubby, Ash and me rocked it out FEIST!! Yeah baby. Free concert. Feist playing. Topped off a relatively awesome afternoon. My six year old, it turns out, is rather a Feist fan and would like me to get her the CD. Go figure. I knew my musical tastes varied widely but this girl takes the cake. Hannah Montana, Feist, System of a Down and Mozart. Uh huh.

We stayed til just before the last song and then made a break for it so as not to get stuck in the herd of cattle crowd. On our way out my snide, vindictive and..I'm not ashamed to admit...bitchy side rose to the surface and I looked broom guy straight in the eye (which was hard given the people now standing DIRECTLY in front of him) and said "I'm guessing we're the least of your worries now eh buddy?!". I was met with shocked spluttering from both him and his wife and it was a perfect finish to the evening.

And now, I bid you adieu and leave you with a little ditty from my daughter's new love. Feist.

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Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'll have another one when you do. How's that work for ya?

Back at the beginning of July, I took part in a cyber-baby-shower for Lollie over at Lollies Follies. Well, madam has birthed the spawnlet and still looks as good as ever. And the baby is pretty cute too. You can check out Lollie and her follies over sure to leave a congratulations message for her!

On the subject of babies, I am constantly amazed at how often I am asked when I am planning on squeezing another melon out of my body. Like it's anybody's business but mine right? Lately I've begun to wonder if this question, invariably uttered by the well meaning yet nosy old folks around here, is perhaps as bad as asking an overweight woman when she's due. Either way, the question illicits the same reaction from me now. Let's just say, if you ask me when I'm due or when I'm going to have another one, I might just have to pinch your nipples in a vice grip while muttering "I'll have another one when that starts feeling good".

There was a time when just holding a baby would make me well up with tears and get all broody. This started when I was about 15, much to the dismay of my mother. Consequently I babysat mostly annoying toddlers that would do away with any desire to have children so early. This mysterious affliction of mine stayed with me, apparently incurable, until just a year ago. CJ was 3 years old, finally potty trained and sleeping and it hit me smack in the middle of the forehead that I did NOT want another one. I'll get my baby fix from all the friends who are pushing them out.

This doesn't seem to stop the busybodies. I can tell them til I'm blue in the face that we're done, that two is just fine for us, that I might have to ship the extras to their house if we do in fact (by some miraculous conception - Hotty Hubby had the snip) get preggo again and they give me that lopside grin and the condescending tone while saying "Oooh sweetie, you don't know what you're missing!"

I don't? Is there some other string of events that everyone else got when they had children that completely bypassed me? Am I missing sleep filled nights, children who use the potty from birth and no projectile vomiting? If so...sign me up. But as far as I can tell, the explosive diapers that compounded the grand total of 2 hours sleep a night, to be followed by a teething baby chaser were what most people got....and I'm done thanks very much. However (!!) if you ever find a way for Hotty Hubby to give birth, I'm game for letting him do it all.

And as for asking me when I'm due?? Yes, we get it, I'm overweight. Nay...I'm fat. There I said it. But unless you see me having contractions 2 minutes apart and that baby's head sticking out from between my legs, you might want to think twice about asking me when I'm due.

I'm just sayin'.

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