Thursday, December 9, 2010

Hey you! You hurt me!

I'm not entirely sure there's anyone out there reading this drivel anymore. To be honest, I kind of lost interest. I wasn't sure if I had grown out of the whole blogging thing or if I was going through yet another "can't be bothered" phase or if I was just having my millionth mind block since I started this here blog. I still don't know, but I thought I'd come back and see if I could finish this whole "30 days of Me" thing that I had going so that I could at least cross it off my never ending To Do list.

Day 13 (and I'm not going to link to the other can troll the archives if you give a shit) tells me that I should write a letter to someone who has hurt me. I suppose this prompt would be considered partly to blame for my absence because I just couldn't decide who to write the letter to. There were a couple of people I considered who have had it coming for a while but I was unsure how to go about it without in turn hurting some other folks. So I left it. In the end, I went with this:


Dear You,

You know who you are. You know very well. And you know exactly what it is you've done to hurt me. Day in and day out you find a new way to bring me down. With every passing week it seems that you have discovered a way to tune out any of the good things that you've heard coming my direction and just carry on down your own path of "destroy Maggie's self esteem".

You look at me with disgust, with scorn, with contempt, with.......with the opinion that I'm not good enough. You tell me I'm fat. You tell me I'm lazy. You tell me I'm ugly and that you can't understand why the gorgeous man I married is still with me. You leave me with the belief that I am not good enough for my husband or anyone else in my life and have even made me question my abilities as a mother to the two wonderful children who have blessed my life.

I have gotten better at rising above, at lifting myself to a level where you can no longer affect me. I can still hear you. Like the incessant buzzing of a housefly circling my head before perching on my shoulder to take the biggest dump possible, you are always there. I can close my eyes, I can put my fingers in my ears....but I can still hear you. You don't have the same impact that you once did, but the fact is, I can't escape you.

Every day, I listen to you. Every day, you are there. Every day, you try and bring me down.

You hurt me and I can't get away from you. But you know what, Brain? You can suck it...because I'm going to make a conscious (pun totally intended) effort to ignore you and your nastiness from now on.


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